Chapter 13:
A confusing mixture of pleasure and guilt coursed through Taylor as he lay beneath Mason on the bed. He closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning and felt Mason's hands roaming all over his body. She paused her frenzied attack on his lips to pull his shirt over his head, removing her own flimsy top shortly thereafter. He moaned against her mouth as she kissed him while trailing her fingers down his bare chest, unable to stop himself from reacting to her touch. It had been so long since he'd been intimate with anyone, and he missed the rush of feelings that it brought.
"Mmm, I almost forgot how hot you are," she purred against him.
Mason kissed a pathway down his chest and stomach, licking lightly at the sensitive skin just above the waistband of his jeans. Taylor threw his head back and tangled his hand in her hair as he felt her massage his upper thigh, dangerously close to the growing bulge in his pants.
"Oh god," he breathed, inhaling sharply as her lips connected with the sweet spot on his neck. She tugged on the zipper and let her fingers dance across his thin boxers, causing his labored breathing to become even more uneven as she stroked him through the fabric.
Although his eyelids were heavy and kept falling closed due to all of the alcohol he'd consumed along with the dizzying effects of her persistent ministrations, he forced them open in order to take a good look at her. And he was shocked by what he saw. While her eyes were cloudy and glazed over with lust, and while she moved against him with an almost reckless passion, there was a darkness on her face, the faint shadow of unhappiness indicating that although she seemed to be having a good time, she was hurting on the inside. And not even in his drunken, carefree state could Taylor bring himself to ignore that fact.
"Mas, stop."
He gently pushed her off of him and collected himself, waiting for his heart rate to return to normal before saying anything more.
She looked at him and pouted, leaning down to kiss him again, but he made sure to dodge the attempt and grabbed her bare shoulders with both of his hands.
"We can't do this and you know it," he said firmly.
The room that had been spinning around him only moments before became unbelievably bright and clear as the reality of what they'd almost done hit him like a punch to the gut. He quickly zipped up his pants and shrugged his shirt back on, all the while searching her blue eyes which were wide in apparent confusion and pain over his act of rejection.
"I want to make you feel good," she murmured, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She looked like an absolute mess, her makeup smeared and her hair disheveled, the lacy strap of her bra sliding stubbornly down her arm as she shifted her weight on the bed.
"You did make me feel good. Way too good." Taylor let go of her and laughed softly, hoping to lighten the mood but frowning when he saw that his words seemed to have the opposite effect.
"What we were about to do probably would've felt amazing," he continued. "But we're both more drunk than we should be, and that would have been a very foolish move on both our parts. You're with Alexa now. I know you love her and don't want to betray her like that."
"I just wanted to make you feel the way that she makes you feel," Mason blurted out.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm not blind, you know. I see the way she looks at you. And the way you two were dancing tonight, and flirting, and laughing..." She trailed off as a single tear rolled down her cheek that she seemed completely powerless to stop. "...It's like you're falling in love with each other right in front of me."
"Mas, that's ridiculous," he said, although her words struck a surprising chord in him that made him sit up a little bit straighter as he leaned back against the headboard.
He breathed in a quiet sigh of relief as she slowly put her shirt back on and smoothed down her mussed-up hair, folding her legs beneath her.
"I admit, I was trying to make her jealous. How fucked up is that?" she said sadly, wiping away the tear that had rolled all the way down to her chin. "It killed me to watch you two together at the bar; she looked so beautiful, so excited, and I knew I wasn't the cause of it. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I make her happy anymore, Tay. I feel like she's slipping away from me, and I don't know how to get her back."
For someone who had drunk her body weight in alcohol, Mason's words were surprisingly sober. Taylor reached out and pulled her into a hug, and this time there was absolutely nothing sexual about their embrace. He rubbed her back as she fell into his arms, resting her head against his chest.
"I'm never drinking again," she groaned into his shirt.
Taylor stroked her hair and let out a little laugh. "You say that now, but come next Friday..."
She cracked a small smile in response, but there was still so much pain and turmoil swimming in her eyes.
"Seriously though, I think you got all worked up over nothing," he said. "I see the way she looks at you, and I can tell how much she cares about you. You don't have anything to worry about."
"Except for the small fact that I practically molested my ex-boyfriend in front of her tonight and she probably thinks I slept with him," she said with a bitter laugh.
"Well, yeah, there's that," he agreed sheepishly. "But I'm sure once you tell her what really happened, she'll understand. You just need to go talk to her. And I promise you that despite what you think, there's absolutely nothing going on between me and Alexa."
"Are you sure about that?" she asked softly.
"Positive," he replied, placing a light kiss on the top of her head.
"Thanks, Tay," she said, pulling back and looking into his eyes.
"For what?"
"For being such a good friend, and for not letting me do anything too stupid. I acted pretty insane tonight, but you handled it all so well."
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" he joked. "I wrote the book on how to deal with crazy girls."
She smiled and gave his arms another soft squeeze before sliding off of the bed and slowly approaching the door.
"Goodnight," she said. "I'll see you in the morning, unless my girlfriend actually kills me tonight."
"Goodnight and good luck," he replied.
Figuring it was safe to enter the kitchen because Mason and Alexa would most likely have their talk in the privacy of their bedroom, he left his room in search of water. He refused to wake up the next morning with yet another hangover, and the only way he knew to prevent it was to hydrate himself until he felt like bursting.
Nearly all of the lights were off in the apartment, causing him to stumble through the hallway with much less grace than he would've liked. He walked into the kitchen but before he could find the lightswitch, his arm collided with something and knocked several items to the ground by his feet.
He scrambled to turn on the light and saw Alexa's purse upended on the floor, several of its contents scattered across the tile. He hastily stuffed the items back into bag, including a tube of lipstick, a thin wallet, and a large pack of gum. However, he paused when he reached a black leather-bound journal that lay open on the ground. Instead of putting it back into the purse where it belonged, he picked it up and began leafing through the thick pages.
He knew that he had no business looking through Alexa's journal, and maybe in a completely sober state he wouldn't have done anything, but his conscience was quickly overridden by a slightly drunken and overwhelming curiosity. She was a writer, and he was very interested in finding out more about her through her words. He flipped through the notebook until he reached the most recent entry, which dated back to the previous day.
The feelings aren't going away. At first I thought it was just a crush - a normal, harmless attraction to my girlfriend's insanely gorgeous ex. But now, I'm beginning to realize that it's more than that. I think that I'm falling for him, and I don't know what to do about it. I guess the only answer is to not do anything, right? I mean, I can't tell Taylor, and I definitely can't tell Mason. Things are already strained enough between Mason and me right now. If either of them knew how I felt, I'd lose everything...
Taylor closed the journal quickly without reading the rest of the entry, shoving it back into the bag with a trembling hand and a wildly beating heart. He turned off the light and left the kitchen without even remembering the drink of water that he'd wanted so badly. He knew he shouldn't have invaded Alexa's privacy, but her words were now burned into his memory.