Chapter 22:
Taylor spent the next day relaxing on the couch in Zac's hotel room. He ordered room service, stayed in his pajama pants and wrinkled t-shirt, and didn't wash or comb his hair. He didn't care. He wanted to do nothing and feel nothing mostly because he didn't know what to do or how to feel. He'd replayed the events of the previous night over and over in his head, trying to figure out what went wrong. He tried to pick up on any clues that Alexa didn't want him or that he'd unknowingly pushed things too far, but he came up empty every time. He couldn't recall a single look of uneasiness, or any other sort of indication that she wasn't as into the idea of being with him as he was. He understood her desire to not betray Mason - he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her either - but usually that concern was discussed before two people reached that crucial and climactic point of having sex with each other.
"So, are you guys planning on heading back to Oklahoma soon?" Taylor asked Zac that afternoon.
Zac laughed a little, his eyes barely straying from the video game he was engrossed in. "I don't know. Is it safe to leave you?"
"It was never not safe to leave me," Taylor mumbled.
"Well no offense, but due to recent events, I still don't know how stable you are."
"I'm perfectly stable! Why don't you guys believe that?" Taylor asked, his voice jumping an octave in frustration.
Zac just smiled, and Taylor had to fight back the urge to kick him. Now was not the time to get under his skin, but clearly his little brother was not concerned.
"Take a look at your actions - they speak a lot louder than words," Zac said with a shrug. "Personally, I think you're another flight risk right now."
"I'm fine!" Taylor insisted, but Zac shot him a sideways look and he knew that he could see right through him.
"Okay, maybe things are slightly fucked up right now...but I'll get them under control," he said with a confidence that he didn't quite feel.
"Do you have a plan of action?" Zac asked, viciously attacking one of the buttons on his controller as he tried to kill some mutant alien or something on the screen.
Taylor sighed, raking a hand through his greasy hair. "Not really. What should I do?"
Zac suddenly paused and turned to look at Taylor. Right as he did so, there was a loud, dramatic explosion on the screen and he frowned, tossing aside the controller and giving his brother his full attention.
"You're actually asking for advice?"
"Why not? It can't hurt. I mean, look at where all of my past decisions have gotten me."
Taylor knew it was unlikely that Zac could provide him with a real solution. But he figured it was worth a shot all the same. Taylor never asked for advice in his personal life; in fact, he typically detested when it was given to him unsolicited, so the fact that he was even seeking help on his own was huge, and he hoped that Zac could recognize that.
"Well..." Zac trailed off, his tone growing much more serious as he pondered his response. "Honestly, Tay? I've seen you fall in love twice in your life. The first time was with Mel, and now there's Alexa..."
"I don't lo-," Taylor began to protest.
"Shut up, yes you do," Zac cut him off. "You can lie to yourself all you want, but I know you and you love her. I can see it in your eyes when you look at her - hell, I can even see it when you talk about her. You allowed Melanie to walk out of your life, and I'm not saying that wasn't for the best in the end. But do you really want to go through that all over again?"
Taylor fell silent, absorbed in his own thoughts. Deep down, he knew that he really was in love with Alexa, which gave him two choices: to let her be happy with Mason, or to refuse to accept that she was meant to be with anyone but him. Whichever option he chose, someone would end up getting hurt, whether that person was him or someone he deeply cared for. He couldn't believe that he was actually considering trying to come between the two women. If he ever knew that someone else was plotting to potentially ruin the relationship between him and his loved one, he would've absolutely lost it. What kind of person does that? How could he do that to them, after all they'd done to help him? How could he inflict that kind of pain? On the other hand, how could he not make a move toward what he wanted? How could he not fight for Alexa when what he felt for her proved that he was still alive, that his heart was still beating after all? He threw his hands up in the air in silent agony, feeling completely torn and trapped in this endless, vicious cycle of thoughts.
"I just don't know if I can do that to Mason," he admitted.
"Maybe that's your problem though, Tay. You're always thinking about others and putting their needs before your own. While that's an admirable trait and many people love that about you, at some point in time you have to worry about you first and foremost and do what'll make you happy. Even if you know there will be consequences."
Taylor raised his eyebrows at his brother. He was surprised by Zac's wisdom as well as his intuition, but maybe he shouldn't have been. He might have been a few years younger, but Zac had always had a much more level head on his shoulders.
"What would you do, if you were in my shoes?"
"Personally? I would go after the girl."
He let out a breath through his teeth. "That's a lot easier said than done, you know. But I appreciate the honesty."
Zac smiled. "It's what I'm here for."
Taylor forced a weak smile in return, sinking back into the couch as his mind continued to spin. The conversation ended there.
He stayed in Zac's room that night as well, not daring to wander back into the girls' apartment until the following afternoon. However, as soon as he made his return, he wished he'd stayed with his brother. Lounging on the living room couch were Alexa and Mason, a gentle tangle of hair and limbs as they engaged in a fairly heated makeout session. Their clothes were still intact, and they weren't clawing at each other - the scene was more simple and sweet in its intensity than it was desperate. Nonetheless, it was like a harsh slap in the face. Only two nights ago, it was him and Alexa on that very same couch, in more or less that same position.
"You're home!" Mason exclaimed, breaking apart from Alexa when Taylor, not so subtly, let the front door slam. "Where the hell have you been? We've been so worried!"
Yeah, it sure looks like you've both been worried sick about me, he thought bitterly. Yet instead of spitting out the sarcastic reply on the tip of his tongue, he simply said, "I was with Zac. Not that I don't love your company, but I was definitely in need of some male bonding time."
Alexa eyed Taylor from her spot tucked under Mason's arm, and he both hated and loved that familiar flutter of feeling in his chest. But the instant he looked back at her, she broke eye contact, her gaze dropping quickly to the floor.
"I hope this doesn't mean you're thinking about going back to Tulsa?" Mason asked, a look of genuine concern creeping into her features as her eyes washed over him. "We love having you here. You've already become such a huge part of our little family."
Taylor smiled softly, although admittedly his heart sank when he thought of Mason and Alexa as a family.
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. Not yet, at least. I still have some things to take care of in the city."
"Well, I hope none of those things are too pressing, because you're coming out with us tonight," she announced, practically beaming with excitement.
"I am?" he asked.
She nodded.
"May I ask where we're going?"
"A friendly gathering, of course."
"And by that you mean another party," he said with a laugh.
Mason shrugged. "Perhaps a small one. But it'll be fun and full of surprises - I can promise you that."
He raised his eyebrows at her skeptically, and she responded by flashing her big blue eyes up at him in an endearingly pathetic manner. He wasn't at all blind to the fact that Alexa had yet to say a single word.
"C'mon, Tay," Mason said, her pleading tone of voice accompanied by a pout. "It's the least you can do after pulling that little disappearing act on us."
He sighed. "Fine, I'll come. But right now, I'm gonna go relax in my room and let you two get back to whatever you were doing before I interrupted."
As he walked down the hallway to his bedroom, he couldn't shake the nagging sense of dread forming in his gut. He had a sinking feeling that something was going to happen that night - and that his life was about to become even more confusing and complicated than it already was.