Chapter 24:
Everything in Taylor's world came to a complete and total standstill, including his heart. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, his eyes glued to the two women in front of him. The amount of time that passed between the question and the answer seemed like an eternity. Taylor watched as the slightest flicker of uncertainty crossed over Alexa's face and then vanished just as quickly. Taylor was sure he was the only one who noticed it, and he was also sure he wouldn't forget how trapped she looked in that brief moment.
As his surroundings gradually came back into focus, he concentrated on the curve of Alexa's mouth, needing something familiar to calm his fraying nerves. But the ground beneath him began to shift and fall away again when a smile slowly spread across her lips and a quiet "yes" came off of them.
Mason rose from her knees and pulled Alexa in for a tight hug before lifting the sparkling ring from its box and sliding it onto her girlfriend's finger. She smiled down at both of their hands, fingers laced together, and mouthed "I love you" as she placed her lips upon Alexa's.
As the audience cheered and applauded in celebration of the newly-engaged couple, Taylor felt the contents of his stomach quickly rising. He turned and darted inside, grateful that everyone's attention was still on Mason and Alexa's romantic spectacle instead of on his sudden exit. Thankfully, he remembered where the bathroom was and he made it there just in time. Once he'd offered up everything inside of him and then some, he sank to the floor in a pathetic heap. Leaning back against the wall, he closed his eyes and waited for the room to stop spinning.
* * * * * * * * *
A light knocking at the door, followed by the sound of a familiar voice, snapped Taylor out of his haze of sadness and self-pity.
"Tay? Are you in there?"
"Just a sec," he replied.
After peeling himself off the floor and rinsing his mouth out in the sink, he splashed some cold water on his face for good measure. One glance into the mirror let him know that he still looked like hell, but at least he was no longer on the verge of being physically ill. He drew in several deep breaths before opening the door, all the while knowing that once he saw Alexa, the air would be stolen from his lungs again.
"Hey...are you okay?" Genuine concern filled her eyes, along with a tinge of something else - was it guilt?
"I'm fine," he said, reaching for a smile. "I must have just had too much to drink."
Her frown implied that she didn't quite believe his lie, but she didn't push the issue.
"Can I get you some water or something?" she asked.
Taylor shook his head. "No, thanks. I think I'm just going to head out."
With that, he brushed past her and headed down the hallway.
"Tay!" Alexa called after him, her tone surprisingly resolute.
He stopped and turned around, keeping his eyes on the floor. He was unraveling again, coming apart at the seams, and he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. How could he stand to look at her beautiful face when he knew that she belonged to somebody else?
"You don't have to leave," she said softly.
"Yes, I do," he insisted, continuing on his way.
Taylor all but ran out of the apartment and into the moonlit streets, a raging flood of emotions chasing after him. He wanted to punch something, he wanted to scream, he wanted to curl into a ball and cry. He needed to get away. He hailed the first cab he spotted and headed straight for the only escape he could think of.
Zac raised his eyebrows at his brother after answering the door. Taylor looked awful. Actually, awful was an understatement. He looked like his dog died, his beloved piano had just been smashed into a million pieces, and he'd been diagnosed with a terminal illness all at once - like he'd lost everything. With a shake of his head, Zac simply stepped aside and let Taylor in. The two brothers didn't exchange a single word as Taylor took off for the bathroom and locked himself inside.
Taylor turned the shower on, but he didn't shed his clothes and allow himself the luxury of stepping beneath the warm and soothing spray. No, instead he collapsed against the unforgiving tile, praying that the sound of running water was loud enough to drown out his sobs.
* * * * * * * * *
The next few days were nothing but a blur for Taylor. The minutes ran together with the hours, the days and nights merged into one, while unconsciousness and painful clarity swirled confusingly around him. When Taylor finally came back to life, he was bleary-eyed and fuzzy, with absolutely no clue as to what day it was.
"You owe me $250," Zac remarked one morning, sending Taylor a pointed look from the opposite side of the couch. Taylor glanced up at his brother, temporarily abandoning the halfhearted task of ripping his bagel into bite-sized pieces that he hoped he'd be able to stomach.
Zac proceeded to explain that he'd been about to leave for the airport to catch his flight back to Tulsa when Taylor had appeared on his doorstep, looking like a hot mess.
"Just put it on my tab..." he mumbled absently.
"Do you understand how long you've been out of it?" Zac asked.
Taylor shrugged. To be honest, he didn't really care.
"Four days. You have been practically comatose for four fucking days, Taylor! I know you haven't been the liveliest of spirits lately, but this is a new low, even for you. I was really starting to get worried. What the hell happened?"
"Sorry."
"Don't be. Just tell me what's going on," he pressed.
"Alexa got engaged," Taylor admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.
Zac's eyes grew wide. "To who?!"
"To Mason, you dumb fuck," he spat, tossing the uneaten bagel onto the coffee table.
"How exactly does that work?" Zac's lips curled into a smirk. "Do they both get down on one knee? Or do they-"
He shot his brother a look that could kill, causing Zac to swallow the rest of his sarcastic comment. Unfortunately for Taylor, though, he didn't stop talking altogether. He picked up the discarded bagel and tore off a huge hunk with his teeth, crumbs spilling down into his lap in the process.
"I'm going to say this because I'm your brother and I love you..." Zac began around a doughy mouthful. "...but you can't just keep shutting down like this."
"Gee, I'm so sorry that I don't mourn the loss of something the way you think I should," Taylor replied, rolling his eyes. "I wasn't aware that you even cared."
"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Zac cried out indignantly, waving the bagel through the air. "You really think I don't care? Tay, if it weren't for me, you'd be aimlessly wandering the streets of NYC, homeless and starving, or worse, you'd be dead in some drug-infested alleyway! And this isn't about the way you mourn, because that's just the thing - you don't mourn. You don't fight for what you want. You don't do anything! You just shut down, and nothing gets accomplished."
Cleary agitated, Zac ran his free hand through his hair before continuing.
"I get that when you fall, you fall hard, but Jesus fucking Christ, Taylor, don't you ever learn from your mistakes? When has running away ever fixed anything?"
His outburst stunned Taylor into silence. Zac was right, and they both knew it. When and how had his little brother become so wise and level-headed?
"Fine, then what should I do? Since I obviously don't know how to make good decisions, I guess you need to make them for me. How am I supposed to deal with this?"
"Do you love Alexa?"
Taylor sighed and nodded, dropping his head back against the couch. There was no point in struggling against the truth anymore.
"Then you need to tell her that."
Taylor snorted. "I can't do that. She's engaged now, remember?"
"Why not? Don't you deserve to be happy?"
"Not at her expense."
It was Zac's turn to sigh. "It's not at her expense, Tay. What if she feels the same way about you?"
"What if she doesn't?" Taylor countered quietly.
"Look, before you get all depressed and shit, just hear me out. If she loves you too, then you're saving her from making a huge mistake. If she's truly meant to be with Mason, well then, she'll marry her and they'll live happily ever after...by the way, is that even legal here?"
"Zac!"
"Sorry. But seriously, this is how I see it: either way, Alexa will wind up with the person she loves. Telling her how you feel won't cost her anything. It will just give her another option - and a much better option at that, if you ask me."
"And if she chooses Mason? Then what?"
"Then you come home."
Before the ever-present hand of doubt could close in on him again, Zac wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders, squeezing gently.
"Don't start second guessing yourself. Just do it," he said.
"You really think this is what I should do?" Taylor asked, his blue eyes searching and almost fearful.
"Yes. In fact, I think it's what you need to do...before you go insane again."
And so it was decided. Taylor was going to find Alexa and confess his true feelings for her once and for all - that is, if he had the guts to actually let the words out of his mouth.