Chapter 4:
Mason lived in a simple red brick walk-up apartment in the West Village; it seemed very fitting for her. It was the part of town that housed the younger, trendy, liberal, gay-rights activist crowd and lots of NYU students. It embodied a culture that Taylor could see Mason being drawn to, a culture he could see himself being a part of.
As he reached her front door, Taylor considered turning around and going back to hide in his hotel room. While Mason's offer sounded appealing, he was starting to get cold feet. He wasn't sure he was capable of real human interaction in a private setting yet. If he was going to talk to anyone though, why not Mason? She could probably relate to what he was going through to some degree; after all, he'd left her suddenly just like Melanie had left him.
Just as he made up his mind to stay and raised his hand to knock on her door, it flew open and a girl with long blonde hair stepped out, nearly crashing in to him. She was very petite and wore a pair of dark-washed skinny jeans and a loose black and white striped tank top. As she looked up, her eyes caught Taylor's attention. They were a completely original grayish-blue with flecks of green. They were probably the most intense set of eyes Taylor had ever seen and he was immediately captivated by them.
"Oh geez, I'm sorry," she said, taking a step back so the two weren't practically on top of each other.
"No, I'm sorry...I think I have the wrong apartment," he said, glancing at the number on the door again.
"Well if you're looking for Mason, she's inside. She told me she was expecting someone. I'm Alexa," she said, extending a hand out to Taylor. He shook it.
"Taylor."
"Well I'm super late, so I'm going to take off, but please come in. She's in the living room," Alexa said, stepping out of the way so Taylor could enter the apartment. "It was great to meet you!"
And with that, she was gone, rushing down the hallway to the stairs.
"Taylor, is that you?" he heard Mason's voice call from inside the apartment as he watched Alexa disappear around the corner.
"Yeah," he said, stepping further inside and closing the door behind him. Mason appeared in the foyer and smiled.
"Now this is the Taylor I remember," she smiled, walking over to him giving him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, "Clean and put-together."
"Yeah, it's amazing what a shower can do...I had forgotten," he joked.
Mason led the way into the living room, taking a seat on an oversized black leather couch, and Taylor followed suit. Mason's living room was an eclectic combination of earth-toned fabrics, lots of books, candles on every shelf and wall, and a coffee table filled with magazines. It was all a bit chaotic, but seemed to be in perfect order at the same time...much like Mason.
"Who was that blonde chick I ran into at the door?" Taylor asked as he sat down.
"Oh, that's Alexa," Mason smiled.
"Does she live here?" he asked.
"Yeah, we've been living together for about six months now."
"Oh, wow."
There was an awkward pause as Taylor didn't know what to say. He hadn't seen Mason in years and here he was, sitting on her couch in New York. She was having a similar surreal moment as she sat looking at her ex-boyfriend. She never thought that she would see Taylor again. Everything ended so quickly between them and the next she heard, he was married. The thing about Taylor though, was she could never stay mad at him and she would always care about him with her whole heart - whether he was married or not.
"I'm sorry," Mason eventually said. "I'm just having a hard time believing it's really you...here...in New York..."
"And in your apartment on top of it," he added. "I know. I'm having the same problem."
Once they got over the weirdness of it all, the two were able to settle into a comfortable co-existence in the room. Taylor helped Mason make some chicken salad for lunch and the two of them settled down in front of the TV to watch Multiplicity, a movie that had so much tradition and history with the two of them, it was only fitting.
For awhile, it was almost like a time warp, Taylor and Mason sitting side-by-side laughing at a movie they had watched together a million times before. It was like the last few years never happened, and nothing had changed between them. It was easy and comfortable and…safe.
It wasn't until the credits rolled, the food was gone, and Mason spoke, that reality came crashing back to Taylor.
"So, do you want to talk about it?" she asked out of nowhere.
Taylor looked over at Mason and then down at his hands. "Not really."
"Have you talked to anyone about it?" she prodded.
"The bartender last night," he joked.
"Sometimes it helps to just say out loud how you feel. It's healing in some way. I mean I know it's nowhere near the same thing, but the closest experience I have to what you're going through is when you and I broke up. I was completely blindsided and one of the things that helped me accept it and move on was just admitting that I was hurt and allowing myself to feel that way. I think so many people try to be tough and strong, but fuck that. If you're hurt then you should just let it out."
"And what? Cry?" he asked defiantly.
"If that's what you need to do, then yes."
"I don't even know what to feel yet, to be honest. I think I'm still in shock. I thought maybe I'd cry and grieve, but I haven't been able to yet. I'm hurt...yes, but I think I'm more bewildered than hurt right now. I don't understand why, and I couldn't get a real answer out of Melanie either, other than 'it just got too hard' or whatever."
"Would an answer even help? What if the answer is something you don't want to hear?"
Taylor just shrugged. "I think knowing something is better than knowing nothing..."
There was a long pause. Mason could tell the wheels in Taylor's head were spinning a mile a minute, so she just let him be alone in his own thoughts for awhile.
"I feel like such a fucking failure," he eventually said quietly, placing his face in his hands. "What did I do wrong? I miss her."
It was then, much to his own surprise, that the tears sprung up in Taylor's eyes and he couldn't keep them from spilling over, no matter how hard he tried. He was not a crier and it made him furious that his eyes were betraying him in the presence of Mason, but he couldn't help it. He was finally allowing himself to actually feel.
Mason scooted over closer to him and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Taylor was grateful for the warm embrace, something he had been missing…feeling like he was loved. Mason just held onto him as he tried to get his emotions under control. She knew how hard it was for him to show weakness like that. However, that was one of the things that Mason had always loved about Taylor: he would try to make you believe that he always had it all together and that nothing shook him, but he felt things with his whole heart and there was no hiding it at times. He tried to be tough, but he was nothing but a hopeless romantic inside.
"I'm sorry," he said, pulling away and making sure to wipe away all signs of any tears.
"For what? I'm here for you whether you want to sit quietly, cry, scream, or punch a hole through my wall. I just want you to be okay," she said, brushing the hair out of his eyes.
He gave her a weak smile. "That punching idea really doesn't sound so bad right now."